My Last Breath
by itslivinginallofus
Summary: MannyxAshley, AshleyxManny femslash. Am I the only one who's ever written this pairing? Ever? Yeah. I think so. Anyway, please read and review with whatever compels you, as long as you don't gay bash. Title and starred passage belongs to Evanescence.
1. Hooking Up

**Chapter 1 - Hooking Up**

"Ow," Manny couldn't help but utter as she the tasted blood from her bottom lip. She was used to - and enjoyed - Ashley's tendency to bite, but it had never made her bleed before.

Ashley licked the rest of the blood off the surface and then sucked Manny's lip dry. "Sorry" she said, grinning so unapologetically that she practically looked smug. But those killer blue eyes could force Manny to let Ash get away with anything, so she quickly accepted her apology with another kiss.

Manny's hands worked their way up Ashley's bare sides, stopping to admire and then smooth out the goose bumps. Ashley exhaled sharply and almost forgot to stop Manny as she felt her bra being unclasped.

"Mmm, Babe, you know I have to go," Ashley said, reluctantly taking Manny's hands off of her upper body and into her own hands.

Manny wrapped her arms around Ashley's shoulders and managed her best puppy-dog-eyed stare. "Now? Can't we stay a little bit longer? The janitor's not going to lock up until at least 5."

"I know, Sweetie, but I have to meet Craig at 4 to help him with some sheet music," Ashley said, re-clasping her bra and turning away from Manny to avoid the look of hurt she know would be in her eyes.

"Oh. You have to go see _him_," Manny said with intended poignancy.

Ashley grabbed her shirt from the locker room bench and slipped it back on, then turned back around, steadying herself on Manny's hips. "Come on, Manny, do we have to do this every time?" Ashley asked, not out of anger, but out of fearful frustration that one day Manny would say she's had enough and that she and Ashley would stop seeing each other.

"Well, I'm sorry if it makes you upset, but the fact that we have to base our time together around someone else is just really hard," Manny said, leaning forward to rest her head on Ashley's shoulder.

"I know. It's not easy for me, either. But we've talked about this. But hey, this weekend, my mom and Jeff are going to be out late at a party so you and I can get some alone time, which means my house, my room, my bed," she finished, again flashing that coy smile and those gorgeous eyes, causing Manny to nearly melt in her arms.

"You promise?" she asked cutely, knowing she had a few tricks of her own and enjoying the look of desire on her lover's face.

"I promise," Ashley said, dangerously leaning in for one more kiss before she left.

Manny hoped that if she tightened her grip and intensified the kiss enough that Ashley would change her mind about leaving, but surely enough, the kiss ended, Ashley grabbed her backpack and left.

Manny sat down and began buttoning up her blouse, internally scolding herself for missing Ashley already. After all, she knew that all this was supposed to be was a good time, hooking up, a "sex thing." So, therefore, no reason to miss her. She held the collar of her shirt closer to her face, knowing if she did it right then, she could still find Ashley's scent on it. She again shook off her emotional distress and promised herself that she wouldn't think about her for the rest of the day... or at least the next couple of hours... or minutes.


	2. Like Father, Like Daughter

**Chapter 2 - Like Father, Like Daughter**

Ashley was startled out of her concentration when Craig's hands started to feel around under the waistband of her pants. After 3 rejected attempts she had made to simply hold Craig's hand or rest her head on his shoulder, she was surprised he was touching her at all. When his fingers inched near her underwear, she leaned forward and gently pushed him away.

"Aw, come on, Ash. We've been working for 2 hours now, can't we have a little us time?"

Ashley shortly laughed to disguise the bitterness in her tone. "Look who's talking. I tried to move in closer at least 3 times now."

"Well, that's while we were working, we have time now," he said, leaning back in, but only for Ashley to push him away again.

"No," she said.

"Why not?" Craig asked, running his hands through his hair to control his frustration.

"The fact that my answer is no should be the only thing that matters. Plus, this isn't exactly what I consider to be alone time."

Craig backed away from Ashley and callously nodded. "Fine." He said, standing from the couch and beginning to clean up the paper and snacks they had on the coffee table.

"What, so now you're not going to give me the silent treatment like we're 12-years-old or something?" Ashley asked angrily.

"Well, how do you want me to react, Ashley? We've been going out for almost 4 months now! You're lucky I haven't brought this up long before now!"

"So, you're calling me a prude, is that it?" Ashley asked.

"You're my girlfriend and it doesn't even feel like it!" Craig yelled.

"So, in order to make it feel like I'm your girlfriend, I have to let you put your hand down my pants, but I can't show the same sentiment by holding your hand or resting my head on your shoulder or cuddling with you?"

"But that's all elementary school stuff, it's time to move on! I mean, I thought we were more serious than that. Besides, what kind of girl doesn't like sex?"

"Are you implying something?" Ashley asked, partly wanting to hear his answer, and partly apprehensive that what he was going to say would be true.

Craig saw the vulnerability in Ashley's expression and went after it. "Yeah. Maybe that you take after your dad after all, if you know what I mean."

Ashley was immediately filled with a defensive rage and pushed Craig away from her personal space, not hard enough to harm him, but enough to get him away from her. "How dare you talk about me or my father like that! You have no right!"

She abruptly sat on the coffee table, burying her head in her hands, which is when Craig figured he should back off if he was ever going to make Ashley see things his way. He slowly moved towards her and sat down next to her. "You're right. I shouldn't have said that."

Ashley looked at him, tears falling down her flushed cheeks. "I mean, how would you like it if I said that maybe you'll take after your father one day, too, and be an abusive asshole?"

Craig swallowed hard and tried not to lose his temper again. "I would feel horrible, and I'm sorry for what I said. I was completely out of line."

As an attempt to make amends, Craig leaned in and kissed Ashley, and she almost couldn't believe that she was letting him do so. Anyone who disrespected and insulted her the way he did barely deserved a place in her life let alone the right to kiss her, but the exact insult he had thrown at her was the reason she returned the kiss. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to jive with Craig's awkward make out style, but all she could think of was how his cold and hard kiss was nothing like Manny's, which was always filled with passion and fire. She also thought of how Manny was always trying to push for more alone time and the dorky, yet sweet, pet names she would call Ashley, some of them in Spanish that her mom had called her as a little girl. But she knew if she allowed herself to get to know Manny as anything more than a fuck buddy, she would inevitably cross a line that she knew she wasn't ready for. Her frustration grew as she observed the no-win situation she found herself in and remembered Manny's deep brown pools of eyes pleading for her affection. She then broke her focus when Craig moved his hands to her breasts, but this time she let him, squinting even tighter and praying that the horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach would vanish.


	3. How Did We Get Here?

**Chapter 3 - How Did We Get Here?**

Manny scrutinized herself in the mirror, knowing that she didn't have much time to refine her look if she wanted to get to Ashley's house on time. She ran the straightener through her hair one last time to smooth out all the layers, then applied a minimal amount of hairspray to avoid the wet look. She then finished applying makeup that perfectly coordinated with her outfit and finished off with the perfume that Ashley liked best. Every time her conscience told her to think twice about what she was doing, she convinced herself that she only wanted to look good for the sexual aspect, not for anything romantic.

She walked into her living room to tell her parents she was going out. After 14 years of living in her parents' home, she had learned a few ways to work around their strictness, and picked the perfect angle to stand at in regard to them that let them see as little of her outfit as possible.

"Mom, Dad, I'm spending the night at Emma's," she said, just barely peeking her head around the corner.

Mrs. Santos smiled. "I'm glad the two of you are spending some time together outside of school."

Manny smiled and ignored the pang of guilt in her stomach before bidding her parents good night and walking out the door. She felt bad for not only lying to her parents about her whereabouts, but also growing further apart from Emma since she and Ashley started hooking up, but she knew that both her parents and Emma would definitely not understand, to say the least, and keeping them even slightly informed was a big risk. So, Manny just had to learn to be okay with the fact that what they had was her and Ashley's little secret.

Ashley all but pushed her mom and Jeff out the door at 7:30 PM and ran upstairs, knowing she only had a half hour until Manny arrived. She had washed her sheets and comforter just that afternoon so that they felt clean and fresh and arranged scented candles and incense all over the room. She kept justifying to herself that the reason she was going all out was solely for the sake of a pleasant change from the grime of the Degrassi C.S. girls' locker room, which was somewhat true, but part of her knew that it was more than that, too.

She thought back to how she and Manny had managed to come to know one another, and how it interestingly enough was through Craig. She had known of Manny since grade 8 as Emma's adorable and smiley best friend, and she respected and almost envied her ability to outwardly stand up to Paige about the whole Spirit Squad fiasco. Ashley knew Emma through environmental groups and thought she was a nice enough girl, but never had the ability or opportunity to get to know Manny even though for some reason part of her always wanted to.

Finally in grade 10, she got her chance, but not the way she ever wanted it to happen. She remembered so clearly walking up to Craig with the petition against G.M. Foods while he was talking to Manny, immediately sensing the tension between the two. While she walked away and knew she shouldn't eavesdrop, she heard the whole thing from just a hallway away, and while she didn't think Craig and Manny would make the greatest couple, she couldn't believe the tactlessness at which he approached the situation. She imagined what she would have done if that was her, and her heart broke for Manny and how harsh that must have hit her. When Craig walked up to her only minutes after, she had planned on suggesting that he apologize to her, but before she could, he asked her out, and she felt like it wasn't the best idea to bring it up from then on. But she still for some reason felt responsible even though she did nothing wrong, so she asked Emma for Manny's screen name and kind of apologized on Craig's behalf. While she was expecting at least mild hostility since she was Craig's girlfriend, she was pleasantly surprised at not only her kindness, but her willingness to talk. Ash had planned on having it be a quick, one-time conversation, and maybe a nod or smile in the halls from then on, but after talking on several occasions, they decided to hang out after Manny's cheerleading practice one day. Since they were still in that place in their early friendship where they weren't really sure how hanging out would feel, Ashley figured they'd watch a movie in her room and maybe talk over it every so often. It was barely 5 minutes into the movie before the two started playing footsie on Ash's bed. Ashley wasn't sure if what she thought was happening was actually happening, but she figured either way she'd be okay with it. She had never understood the sensation of being overcome with unexplained attraction for a person until that night. One minute it was footsie, the next Manny's lips were on hers, she was shutting off the lights, and they woke up the next morning in their underwear, their over clothes scattered on the floor. They both awkwardly discussed how it had "just happened" and was a mistake that would never happen again, but from that night on, the girls met whenever and wherever they could to satisfy the hunger they had for one another. But this still gave both girls the ability to convince themselves that all they were fulfilling was a sexual need rather than slowly working their way towards a relationship neither of them were sure they could have.


	4. The Game

**Chapter 4 - The Game**

Ashley was surprised to hear a knock on her bedroom door and then remembered she had told Manny to just come right upstairs when she got there. She opened the door to see Manny, looking more gorgeous than she had ever seen her, and the moment between them felt so right. Manny felt the same way as her eyes studied everything about Ashley and her heart sped up.

"Wow," was the first thing Ashley could say, "You look gorgeous."

"Thank you. So do you," Manny said, taking off her jacket, running a finger up and down Ashley's stomach, and handing her jacket to Ashley before she walked past her into the room. Ashley could tell that Manny's approach for the evening was hard to get, which she found incredibly sexy and a challenge. Manny knew, however, that as much as she wanted to keep up her teasing persona, there was only so much resistance she could front before completely giving in to Ashley.

The absence of Manny's jacket gave way to a revealing tank top that showed off just enough of her flawless skin to drive Ashley crazy, and Ashley was wearing tighter clothes than usual to accentuate the muscles that were hidden to the naked eye. Manny figured that since Ash had made no attempt to break up with Craig and start something further with her, she may as well make the best of the dynamic they did have between them. She sat on the edge of the bed and motioned for Ashley to come sit beside her. Every time Ashley tried to touch Manny, Manny used all her self-control to place Ashley's hands by her side. Finally, Manny got within inches of Ashley's face, captivated her with her deep stare, and asked in her lowest of voices, "How much do you want me?"

Ashley cleared her throat to make sure her voice still worked and pleaded with her eyes for Manny to touch her. "You know how much," she said, doing a little teasing of her own.

Manny brought her lips to Ashley's ear and ever so slightly nibbled on her earlobe. "Yeah, but I want to hear you say it."

Ashley unexpectedly grabbed Manny's face, startling her out of her domineering attitude and into arousal. "So bad that I can taste you."

All Manny could do was smile a devilish smile and decide that she was about to take the teasing to the next level. She shifted so that she was sitting on Ashley's lap, facing and almost straddling her, and began placing soft kisses on her neck that grew in intensity with each one. Ashley's trembling hands firmly grasped Manny's lower back and took her with her as she laid down backwards on the bed, Manny now positioned on top of her. Manny tried to ignore the fact that Ashley's hands were now under her shirt, knowing exactly how and where to touch her, but her erratic breathing gave her away and Ashley shifted so that now she was on top of Manny, taking complete control of their contact and satisfying her need by kissing her deeply and forcefully. By the time that Ashley bound Manny's wrists to the bed with her own hands, Manny could hardly control her arousal - and her laughter, apparently.

Ashley was confused when Manny suddenly burst out laughing from under her, but she couldn't help smiling herself. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"Sorry," Manny began, trying to get the laughter out of her system, "I was just remembering the time that we were laying just like this in the locker room and that grade 8 walked in and you hid under the bench and I stood there in my underwear after throwing my backpack and our clothes over you and hoped she wouldn't see."

Ashley loosened up her position and laid beside Manny rather than on top of her, smiling at the memory. "Oh my God, that was hilarious," she paused and began to laugh hard as well, mostly because at this point, Manny was beside herself with laughter. "I don't think I've ever seen you laugh this hard."

"I usually don't let myself laugh this hard, but I don't know, with you I just feel comfortable. It's like everything comes naturally," Manny said.

The girls both paused and shyly smiled at one another, partially accepting their moment of sweetness and partially a little scared, too. The moment of silence was broken soon after with Manny continuing to laugh. "I wish you could have seen the look on your face."

Ashley laughed in return. "Well, yeah, I was only terrified that we were going to get caught and all!" but the smile soon faded from her face, and now it was her turn to step up and be brave. "That's the worst thing about our time together. Feeling like we're constantly going to get caught really makes you feel crappy."

Manny looked down at her hands. "I know."

There was silence again as both girls mentally evaluated the magnitude of their situation. Manny was going against everything her parents raised her to be: she was engaging in more or less promiscuous activity, showing homosexual tendencies, and involved with someone who was already in a relationship. Ashley could barely even stomach who she had become. After finally convincing herself that she hadn't inherited her father's "gay gene", she found herself slowly becoming the thing she feared most. Prior to her current experience, she blamed her father's homosexuality for tearing her family apart, and while that was still technically the cause of her parents' divorce, she never understood how much agonizing her father must have gone through to reach the point he was at. She had never heard of the concept of loving people rather than loving genders, and therefore could not apply it to her own situation. All she knew was that in her own experience, homosexuality caused a lot of confusion that resulted in ultimate heartache for a lot of people, not to mention the horror stories she had heard lately of several gay teens being beaten or terrorized in the area. Her train of thought was interrupted by Manny's hand touching hers.

"Hey. Do you want to play a game?" Manny asked, stroking Ash's hand with her thumb.

Ashley raised an eyebrow. "What kind of game is that?"

"It's the kind where we pretend that nothing that bothers us even exists. My parents, your parents, Craig, all of those gay bashings on the news, none of it. The only thing that matters is you and I, because in this game, we're together, too, and I mean for real. We say the things we would say to each other if we were a couple and as if we didn't have a care in the world " Manny said, the hope in her eyes making her irresistible to Ashley.

While Ash knew that playing this kind of "game" was completely ridiculous and not a good idea, the thought of it all sounded too good for Ashley to pass up. "Just for pretend, right?" she asked.

Manny smiled. "Just for pretend."

Ashley took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll go first."


	5. Level 2

**Chapter 5 - Level 2 **

About 3 and a half hours later, Ashley and Manny were still playing their game and both feeling happier than they both had in a long time. The reason Manny had made the game suggestion was to see firsthand really where she stood on the whole situation. In their limited and covert time together, it was hard for Manny to really get a firm handle on the situation in terms of how she felt. Was this really just a physical thing, or did it go beyond that? From the first day that she and Ashley started talking online, she had a special feeling about her, but she still wasn't sure if those feelings surfaced due to an underlying physical attraction. But after tonight, she knew that it was far more than that. In fact, she would have been perfectly fine with cuddling Ashley until they fell asleep rather than hooking up at the conclusion of their game. Meanwhile, Ashley was surprised at how many feelings she had deep down that she hadn't made herself consciously aware of, and how willing she was to express them at that. After several hellish emotional experiences, Ashley always shied away from instances that could potentially make her vulnerable, but she found that all she needed to do was feel Manny's hand on hers, see the look of promise in her eyes, and soon enough she was confessing things she had never told anyone, including her true feelings for Manny. The two had covered everything from favorite childhood memories, to scarring pasts, to hopes and fears of the world and everything around them. Manny was leaning her back against Ashley, sitting between her legs and resting her head back on Ashley's shoulder, and Ashley was holding Manny at the waist, delicately stroking her fingers over Manny's midsection. It was Manny's turn to ask a question.

"Hmm, let me think," Manny began and then slightly laughed. "Okay, this is going to sound totally dorky, but I know how you write songs and poetry and stuff, and I've always wanted someone to write something about me. So, I was wondering if you ever have," she said, the dimples in her cheeks appearing completely kissable to Ashley. So, she did kiss them and then slightly blushed before answering Manny's question.

"Well, uh, kind of, but it's pretty bad. I don't even have a title for it yet or anything, or even really a complete concept, and I guess it's not the most romantic," Ashley said.

"Aww! I wanna hear it!" Manny said, lighting up and snuggling her head into to Ashley's chest.

Ashley laughed again. "No, no, don't get all excited, it's not this wonderful love poem. Let's just say it's the way I feel when you're not here. Kind of intense," Ashley says, her eyes averting Manny's.

But Manny made sure their eyes found each other again. "It's okay. I know I'll love it."

Ashley took a deep breath as she remembered, surprisingly well, her poem from memory:

_I miss the winter_

_A world of fragile things_

_Look for me in the white forest_

_Hiding in a hollow tree_

_I know you hear me_

_I can taste it in your tears_

_Closing your eyes to disappear_

_You pray your dreams will leave you here_

_But still you wake and know the truth_

_No one's there._

Ashley tried to study Manny's face for an answer. She became nervous when Manny didn't answer for a second. But then Manny intertwined her fingers with Ashley's and softly said, "I know the feeling."

Ashley breathed a sigh of relief. "You do? Well, in that case, I guess my next question is, in your head, what ending do you want our love poem to have?"

Manny sat up and looked Ashley straight in the eye, making sure she knew how seriously she was taking this. "Ashley, it would be a lie to say that I 100 fully understand our situation and that I'm not pretty scared of this kind of lifestyle. There are a lot of questions about this whole thing that I don't have the answer to. But I do know that what I feel for you is real, and I do know what I feel for you is right, because until we started spending time together, I thought I was happy and I thought I was a good person, but you make me feel happier and more beautiful than I ever thought I could feel, and, like... I know I sound totally cheesy, but come on, Ashley, how could something that feels so right have anything but a happy ending?"

Ashley paused and then tilted Manny's chin to kiss her more deeply than she had yet. Manny opened her eyes, practically dizzy from the last kiss when Ashley asked, "So, we've been playing this level for a while. How about we start Level 2?"

Manny smiled at how Ashley was humoring her and adapting to the terms of "her game." "What's Level 2?"

"Taking this further than just pretend. I want to be with you, Manny, for real," Ashley said, tightening her grip on Manny's waist.

Manny didn't even bother to fight the tears of happiness that she felt forming behind her eyes. "Seriously?" Manny wasn't even sure if she should ask the next question, but she knew that at this point, she just wouldn't feel right with Craig being in the picture. "But what about Craig?"

"He's not you," Ashley said, causing Manny's first tear of happiness to fall. "Besides, you're right, how could you and I not have a happy ending?"

Without warning, Manny threw her arms around Ashley and burst into tears, kissing her frantically and urgently and Ashley sharing the need. Ashley stood from the bed to lock the door so that her mom wouldn't question their closeness in the morning. But Manny, refusing to let go, wrapped her arms and legs around Ashley, the two kissing all the way to the door, all the way back to the bed, and up until they fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.


End file.
